He had served his purpose in my life and left quietly, thank goodness.About a month later, back in the online dating game, I met Stephen.So, that being said, I was still deep in denial of my hair loss and busy living my life.I met Rich in 2012 – way early to be dating after my divorce, but we did nonetheless. Flash forward a year and I’m in a different state, at a new job in a new industry, thinner and happier than I have ever been in my life and finally ready to look for love again. This is me au natural in the boxing gloves – I would blow dry and fluff what little hair I had and let the comments from hairstylists asking me if I had tried this hair loss solution or that one roll like water off a duck’s back. And I wasn’t going to let that or anything else stop me.I responded, “Well, since I’m the one wearing them and I’m OK with them, I don’t see why the hell you wouldn’t be! We ended up being friends for a while, but honestly – he was a selfish person. The one I dated too soon after my divorce and who loved my bedhead? We kept in touch for those 6 years we were apart, each dating other people, but never really letting go I suppose.When someone shows you who they are – believe them. I moved back and after almost a year of not talking (we got in a fight about something stupid, as most fights are) I reached out to him.
So I had a cheap “sleeping” wig that I wore on nights spent over. About a year and a half into the relationship we had a discussion – he thought I should show him my head (I had started shaving my hair off at this point) because it would be better to do it on purpose than full of shame and when I am sick or some other necessity. He turned away from me and feel asleep with his back to me. I quietly slipped out of bed and put my wig back on, never revealing my bald head to him again.
I wish I had found that out earlier in the relationship.
Love is one of the most profound emotions known to human beings.
My hair never mattered to him and it still doesn’t. Does that mean we are meant to be – that this is my fairytale ending? I should feel comfortable with my partner – hair or not. What does matter is that we get along, whether we have similar life goals and good conversations, that we have fun together, that we are best friends.
He is one of the few people in my life that I feel perfectly natural having a conversation with, being around, just being me – without a wig on. Because unlike Stephen who tried to feign that it didn’t matter, it really doesn’t to Rich. He shows me off to all of his friends at work and thinks I look great in every wig. We have enough in common to relate to each other and enough different to keep it interesting. I am glad for Shane coming into my life and pointing me in a new direction. I am sad that things didn’t work out with Stephen, but that memory of him falling asleep with his back to me makes me even sadder.
A really rough phone call later and he had me convinced I needed a wig. I needed to figure this out, to escape the pain and embarrassment I thought I was keeping well-hidden for so long.